When toddlers act like teens

20 traits that tell you your toddler is almost a teen…

When Toddlers Act Like Teens

Top twenty traits of teens-before-their-time

1. Obsession with personal appearance untainted by a corresponding obsession with personal hygiene.

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2. Excessive litigiousness.

3. Inability to distinguish the difference between “want” and “need”.

4. Secretiveness. Just what went on in that playgroup? At nursery? While you were at work? You’ll never know – that’s their territory.

5. Inordinate acquisitiveness without any idea of how much things bloody well cost.

6. Inability to answer a simple question at all, let alone politely.

7. Prone to gross exaggeration, without understanding the meaning of ‘always’ and ‘never’. Eg, “Do I always have to do it myself?” when asked to tidy up their mess. (Of course, they never tidy up their own mess)

8. Inability to distinguish between “right” and “right for me”.

9. Unshakeable conviction that the whole world revolves around their wants and needs (same thing – see 3 above).

10. Fear and loathing of vegetables.

11. Adoption of inappropriate slang. Have you ever heard a six-year-old describing something as “cool”? It’s vile.

12. Constantly hungry, especially after they’ve just refused to eat their dinner. Often known to hang out around the fridge, peering inside and saying “Is there nothing to eat in here?”

13. Adamant insistence on rights, without the accompanying acceptance of responsibilities.

14. Totally undiscriminating acceptance of all popular culture with all its attendant merchandising. The more overpriced the better.

15. Conviction that parents are wrong about just about everything.

16. Disturbing belief that The Simpsons and South Park are children’s programmes.

17. Insistence on always having the final word even if it defies all logic.

18. Non-comprehension of the importance of proper mealtimes but a fierce attachment to the fridge.

19. Frequent claims to be bored.

20. Staggering over-reactions to real or imagined slights, combined with fanatical hypochondria.

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{This article previously appeared in a printed issue of Junior Magazine}