We hear a lot about Conscious parenting these days, but what does it really mean? Yes, it’s about considering the child’s point of view, letting go of an outdated view of control and letting go of our ego, desires and attachment and really seeing things from our child’s perspective and it’s much more than that!
If we’re awake and aware I guess that’s being ‘conscious’ as opposed to unconscious and out of it. But, there are different definitions and degrees of consciousness in parenting and there’s an aspect to it that isn’t very often talked about, or even known about … that everything you think, say and do impacts and influences your child, because everything is energy and that energy is transferred.
- Be consciously aware that you are influencing and impacting your child with your energy! We are energetic beings and constantly sending out an electro-magnetic frequency, a vibration. If we are low, or down, in a bad mood, sad, angry or in some other negative state or feeling a negative emotion our children feel it and are affected by it.
- Remember that an emotion is an ‘energy in motion’ and can be felt by others (especially our children) it isn’t just contained with us … it travels.
- Everything we are thinking and believing is affecting our children. A thought is a neuron firing and that energy travels across a synapse and lands. It’s the first energetic output we have. When we have a thought over and over again, that energy gets stronger and it can become a belief, we then act and behave according to that belief and all the energy in that influences out children.
- Words carry energy, and negative words carry negative energy that affects our body. We know we can feel hurt or upset by what someone has said. Imagine what we often say to our children that wounds without us really meaning it, or thinking that they aren’t really listening. Have you ever said (jokingly) “I could kill them”? “They’re a nightmare”? or “They’re driving me mad!”? Words stick, and leave an imprint.
- Stop lying to them (and ourselves) We often tell our children they ‘can’t’ when what we mean is “I don’t want you to”, or “not now”. This confuses the unconscious mind. Your child asks you if they can bake or paint, or go to the park (and they know they can, they’ve done it before) and you say “No” be aware, confusion is happening in child’s unconscious! Tell the truth, say what you really mean. A neighbour’s granddaughter stepped outside in her bare feet and I heard my neighbour say “You can’t go out in bare feet!” quite the contrary, she already had!
- We direct our children to do what we don’t want! We use ‘don’t’ in an attempt to avoid what we don’t want and in fact this causes the unconscious mind to actually look for, focus on that very thing. Think about it. I say to you “Don’t think about a red double decker bus!” What do you think about? I’ve directed your attention there, you immediately see an image and think about the thing you know I’ve said don’t think about. You probably wouldn’t have dreamt of thinking about a double decker bus, till I mentioned one! When you say to your child “Don’t run” they hear run. Ask for what you want not what you don’t. If you want them to walk, say that. Rather than “Don’t speak to me like that” Say “ Speak to me with respect”. Re-focus and tell your children what you do want. They’re not mind readers.
- Remember the 5 E’s that our children (and ourselves) are here to do. 1. Explore 2. Experiment 3. Experience 4.Express 5. Enjoy. Remember this when they have done something you would rather they hadn’t (like found a tub of Sudocrem and painted, daubed, their bedroom and self with it during afternoon nap! –Yes, it happened to me) They are doing what comes naturally … the 5 E’s. My beautiful son was in his element when I discovered him and instead of my appearing and joining in or dealing with it better. I showed my alarm and displeasure and exclaimed “Omg what have you done?!” Frightened him, upset him and of course I wasn’t going to get a response, not that one was needed, I could see what he had done! I wasn’t conscious of my reactions and behaviour. Aim to respond rather than react. It’s where the word ‘responsible’ comes from being response-able.
- More ‘Being’ than ‘Doing’. You are a human Being not Doing. Be more present with them and remember the best present you can give them is ‘Be it’.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Karen Shaw is a transformational life and parenting coach, emotional re-balancing and energy alignment therapist and creator of Parenting Magic. She was a stressed-out single mum on anti-depressants. With three teenage sons, all affected by challenged, illness, medical conditions, psychological issues and labelled with ‘disabilities’. Struggling in every area of her life.
In Parenting Magic, she shares the hard earned secrets that transformed her family life for good and shares a parenting method that enables parents to connect and communicate with their children in a conscious and confident way.