How friendships develop throughout childhood

Boy meets Girl: We explain how friendships develop throughout the toddler years and childhood

Boy meets girl: How friendships develop throughout childhood

Early childhood friendships contribute to children’s quality of life, their ability to adjust to changes within their environments and increase a child’s capacity for empathy and altruism. Having friends boosts happiness, well-being and self-confidence, and promotes a positive outlook on life, by creating a sense of belonging and security.

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Both children and teens have a tendency to form friendships with others who are similar to them. As people enter adolescence and adulthood, similarity in terms of attitudes, values, and beliefs, as well as shared interests and activities, can be the basis for forming friendships.

A child’s relationships with other children fall into broad stages. But it is very important for parents to remember that these categories are generalisations only; some children move through these stages at quite a different pace.

  • Up to 12 months

Your child’s most important relationships are with his mother, father and primary caregivers. Warm, reliable and enjoyable attachment to these adults helps create a template for the quality of a child’s later relationships with others. Babies are interested and will admire other babies, simply because they are like them, regardless of whether the baby is a boy or a girl.

  • Ages 1–2

Friendship choices begin to emerge. Children begin to demonstrate distinct preferences for specific children. Around age two, they begin to gravitate primarily toward members of their own gender.

  • Ages 2–3

As children socialise more, they show increasingly strong preferences for same-sex peers, especially when left to their own devices and allowed to choose their own playmates.

  • Ages 3–4

Children are now acutely aware of gender differences, which is partly explained by the influence of early sex hormones (the presence of testosterone may explain boy’s aggression). As different styles of play emerge, it becomes clear why children choose to play with someone whose idea of play is similar to their own.

  • Ages 5–7

Children increasingly see playmates as potential friends and are more able to play collaboratively. The give-and-take involved in play is a major milestone for both boys and girls.

  • Ages 8–11

At this stage, children are likely to form an intense attachment to a friend of the same gender – a ‘best friend’. Child psychologist Harry Stack Sullivan calls this kind of attachment ‘chumship’, a close, intimate mutual relation with a same gender peer. And what do they think about? Some of their conversation is likely to be speculation about the other gender, laying the groundwork for early adolescence when girls and boys become attractive to each other in a whole new way.

THE JUNIOR BOOKCLUB RECOMMENDS:  

This charmingly illustrated book which explores the benefits of having friends, looking at different types of friendships, and what happens when friends fall out and make up. Includes helpful notes for grown-ups on talking to children about friendships, dealing with conflicts and imaginary friends. >> All About Friends By Felicity Brooks and Mar Ferrero (Usborne Books)

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