YOU DEFINITELY DID it once upon a time – at least once (after all, you're a mother). So what’s happened to all the sex (and the sexiness) you once enjoyed at the bat of a fluttering eyelash or the fling of a flirtatious comment? OK, so these days your eyelashes tend to close at the end of the day, and the only thing being flung is food by your toddler, but that sexy little minx is still in there, just waiting to be rediscovered.
But first, let’s get one thing straight: it’s normal for your libido to be lacklustre when you become a mother; just as it’s normal to reminisce nostalgically about carefree, child-free days, where your time and body were your own. While there are some days when you know you still have ‘it’ (even if no one else is there to see), there are other days when you just don’t have time to think about it amid tears over a missing toy or the demands for a story to be read – for the umpteenth time. The question is, who needs to rediscover the sex goddess that you once were? Is it your partner, or is it you? And when was the last time you thought about what you want and need?
Well, who cares that you can’t remember when? The fact is that the rest of your life starts here, so let’s get the show back where it belongs – in the bedroom. The fact is, you are still sexy, you still have desires – you just also happen to be a parent. It’s time to seize the moment: now is the perfect time to ask for anything and everything you need and want in pursuit of your pleasure. Take the risk, make a few demands and prepare to put some va-va-voom back into your sex life. After all, if the Spice Girls – with seven children between them – can make a comeback, you can, too! So where do you start?
1. Transform your bedroom into a pleasure palace, rather than a dumping ground for toys and the Sunday papers. It’s so easy to overlook the sensory indulgence of skin-to-skin contact or the simplicity of lying in the arms of the one you love. Buy yourself some sensuous satin or fresh crisp cotton sheets to entice you to sleep naked with your partner. Remember that being in bed together doesn’t have to be at the end of the day; by then, sleep may be your only fantasy. And you don’t have to wait for bedtime. Slip between those sheets as soon as your children’s eyes close, no matter how early it may be and enjoy the decadence!
2. Remember that it doesn’t do your self-esteem any favours to keep wearing those washed-out maternity bras and gigantic knickers, so throw them away! You are what you wear under your clothes, and the sexier and more attractive your underwear, the more confident you’ll feel to strut your stuff. Choose wisely to complement the shape of your body – you need to feel comfortable to feel sexy – and try to have a matching set. That way, you’ll want to show them off.
3. Before you are ready to release your inner minx back upon your partner, you are going to need to take a little time out – just for you – so that you can remember who you are, rather than conforming to what everyone else is demanding you to be for them. Taking a short break on your own, preferably to a spa, where you can have a rejuvenating rest, nourishing food and toning body treatments, works wonders. All mothers need periods of peace and tranquillity to replenish their zest for life. The number one ingredient to your time away is sleep – bucketloads of deep, nourishing sleep to help heal your body and emotions, transforming you into a new woman. Never underestimate the detrimental effect that sleep deprivation can have on your mood and libido. Plus, leaving your partner to care for your child might just help him appreciate why you were so exhausted and needed a break.
4. Set up monthly dates for you and your partner. After all, how often do you actually go out with each other – just the two of you? If you book in two dates a month, you can take turns to choose venues and what activity you do: that will add a surprise factor and help you remember what makes you both tick as individuals, and as a couple. Aim to make this time non-negotiable unless there is something truly unavoidable (in which case, try to set an alternative date immediately). Your date nights will soon become your regular, child-free time together when you can talk without distractions. This intimate communication is necessary if you are to keep your sexual flame burning bright. You might bicker or niggle at times when you don’t feel appreciated by your partner. Let a little romance remind you both that you are lovers, not just old friends who can take each other for granted.
5. One way to recreate your partnership could be to take private dance lessons at home once the children are tucked up in bed. Learning to coordinate steps together will help you develop intimacy. Whether you’ve got two left feet or you’re the new contenders for Strictly Come Dancing, you’re sure to laugh a lot together – one of the most important ingredients for a great sex life.
6. Make sure to celebrate Mother’s Day. After all, it's the perfect chance to spend some time thinking about who you are. Remember to love yourself, and to let your partner love you, too. This is the one day of the year that really celebrates you as a mother and as a woman, so relish every moment.