Maid Millie wakes me up at the ungodly hour of 3.30am – the only sweetener being that she arrived with breakfast: iced chocolate milk and an exotic fruit salad. Today we are off to lovely Kleine Fabriek, the international children's fair in Amsterdam, the city of clogs, tulips and no hills (flat as a pancake!). As we sped through the silent streets in our armoured Mercedes, I realised how London looks so hauntingly beautiful in the wee small hours, bats fly past Big Ben, the youths loiter around bus stops looking happy and glazed –dazed and confused? – then throw up all over the pavement. Totally yuk!
Anyhow, we arrived at Gatwick Airport, our chauffer steering past the South Terminal and heads in another direction. "Maid Millie, why are we heading to the North Terminal?" I asked, panic rising in my voice. "Bad news am afraid, ma'am,” she replied with a serious demeanor. “The private jet has a faulty engine. I'm afraid we're onEasyjet." Sometimes life can be such a trial, depressing in fact, but in the words of Mahatma Ghandi 'Hatred can be overcome only by love'. So I clip, clop out of the car in my Celine clogs, with the biggest forceful smile I can muster… I notice the queue, thousands of them dressed in Primark, just standing there. Then, to make matters worse, I catch my arch enemy Candida Lovejoy from Mother Touch magazine, checking in at British Airways. Being the quick thinking gal I am, I remember that Daddy is bestest friends with dear Stelios. Half an hour later, Maid Millie and I are flying on a lovely empty Easyjet plane, all to ourselves (Stelios, bless him, cancelled the Majorca flight).
Clip clop, clip clop, clogs make such a beautiful sound, especially when on the cobblestone streets of Holland and especially when you are at one of the most beautiful childrenswear shows in the world. My mission today, since we are in the land of clogs and partly because Phoebe Philo has made them this season's hottest foot totty, is some fabulous clogs. So I send Maid Millie to scout around, while I sit in the private press and VIP room, sampling brownies and cookies. Two hours later, Maid Millie is nowhere to be seen. I try her maid-com; no-answer. So desperate to find some amazing shoes for summer in St Tropez, I decide to venture off and do it myself.
First stop is Mo Mi No who produces handmade wonders from Italy. I simply love the brown leather woven sandals that wrap around the ankle, or perhaps the dusty pink thong sandals; no, no, the leather clogs are divine; even better are the distressed leather ankle straps in coral and teal. On second thoughts, why not take them all?
My friends at Ezpz (Eezy Peazy) had some gorgeous leather jazz shoes in shocking pink and turtle green and over at Australian brand Sudo, the tasselled ankle boots in moss would be perfect for mountain walks in Switzerland, and the plaited leather sandals are just too chic. The childrenswear debut of Metro Sneakers is ideal for my handsome boyfriend Cosmo Van Der Miffohack. They come in a variety of metallics, gold, bronze and silver.
Suddenly I get a tap on my shoulder from a charming Dutch security man “Madam, we have your maid in the first-aid room.” Poor Maid Millie is spread out on a stretcher looking delirious, muttering incoherently to herself. "What in cupcakes' heaven is going onm Maid Millie?", I ask, rather sternly. "I don't know,”she answered, rather slurring her words. “I popped out for some breakfast and decided to try the local delicacy, a slice of Amsterdam fun cake, and ever since I've been out of it." And with that, poor Maid Millie fell asleep into a blissful stupour.
Pictured Shoe by Mo Mi No